Safety Net
by MagicMan01
Summary: Beyond had always been A's safety net; there to catch him if he ever fell. Though eternally grateful for his kindness and understanding, he begins to ponder why B even bothers with him in the first place and wonders if he'd just be better off without him. Noticing this, B proves to A just how much he really means to him. Warning: Heavy themes of depression/suicide. BBxA. Oneshot.


**In the original version of this fic, things happened a bit differently concerning the plot and dialogue, but the overall idea was pretty much the same. At one point, I was about halfway through the story and hadn't even written the lemon yet before I decided to just scrap it because I'd lost my interest and faith in it. However, the idea wouldn't quite leave me alone, and eventually, I found the desire and motivation to try it once more. So, here it is: the second version of the BB/A oneshot finally titled **_**Safety Net**_**.**

**A/N: Just for future reference, anytime I include A in a fic, his full name will be Asher Fallman, or just Ash - or A - for short. His appearance, personality, etc. will also be similar to the way it's displayed here.**

**Warning: Contains intense themes dealing with depression/suicide and a **_**yaoi **_**lemon.**

**-Disclaimer- I don't own Death Note or anything officially related to it.**

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_**Safety Net**_

A closed his eyes and deeply inhaled the crisp, fresh evening air gently blowing in through the open window of the room that he and Beyond shared. The light breeze cascaded over his thin form, enveloping him in the gentle undulations pervading the open space before him. Despite his current situation, it gave him a feeling of utter peace and tranquility, a moment of true clarity that he had been desperately lacking quite recently.

Slowly exhaling, he gradually opened his green eyes, the pupils contracting ever so slightly to adjust to the late evening sun. The sky was streaked with brilliant shades of red, yellow, orange, and purple; nature's endless canvas painted with an invisible brush. It truly was a beautiful sight. If his mind weren't so clouded right now, he might have thought about drawing it. A small gust of wind permeated through the window, blowing his dark blonde bangs in front of his eyes and momentarily blocking his view of the sunset. He swept his hand across his forehead to move the hair out of his field of vision, returning his eyes to the wonders of nature surrounding Wammy's House.

The green grass - now darkened from the setting sun - slightly rippled from the gentle breeze blowing through it, the flowers swaying as they slowly moved along with the sea of green surrounding them. The branches and leaves of nearby trees creaked and swished with the light movement of air. Rays of dying sunlight reflected off the windows and metal of nearby houses and parked cars, mirroring their brilliance throughout Winchester. Shadows gradually receded from their places of origin, shrinking and growing weaker by the second.

Fascinated as he was by the wonderment of nature before him, however, he was more concerned with how high he was from the ground right now. Looking out over the window sill, he carefully observed the gravel road that ran through the whole front yard of the orphanage and the grass around it. As a much younger version of himself currently, he'd fallen on it before and remembered how it had hurt when the pebbles and small rocks cut into his delicate skin, causing it to bruise and slightly bleed.

Hitting it at terminal velocity would more than likely shatter every bone in his body and kill him instantly. Death in mere seconds. Such a quick way to die for less than twenty years on this earth. It was all he wanted, though; a quick death that wouldn't inconvenience anyone. He had always felt that he was an inconvenience to most, so why make his cessation a burden for those who came across it? It wasn't as if anyone really _cared _about him, right? Roger probably didn't, as he wasn't very fond of children in the first place. Few in the orphanage personally knew him, and certainly no one outside of it. He had no family left. So no one cared...

Well, maybe Wammy. After all, the old man had taken him in and cared for him since the day he'd found him in that old, dirty, run-down orphanage and brought him here. A had to admit that the man had always been very kind to him and paid special attention to his wants and needs, not to mention his personal problems no one had ever attempted to address. He knew about A's depression and tried to help him through it, even giving him medication. He saw the brilliance and ingenuity that the boy possessed, even if it was buried deep beneath his poor self-esteem and sense of hopelessness. It was why he'd offered him the opportunity to become a successor for L, to truly make something great out of himself. He knew it would be difficult for the boy, but that was why he wanted him to undertake it - to overcome that challenge and realize that he really was worth something to the world. Yes, Wammy would certainly miss him when he was gone.

And then, of course, there was Beyond. A sighed heavily as the thought of his lover made itself apparent in his mind, his face being the first part of him that he thought about. Wammy would be devastated by the loss of one of his closest protégés, but Beyond... well, he would be _shattered_.

A really wasn't even sure why the other boy had bothered with him in the first place. Every day, he questioned why the outspoken, odd - but surprisingly kind - young man cared about him as much as he did. They were almost nothing alike. Beyond was never afraid to speak what was on his mind; A kept almost everything to himself. Beyond was extremely focused and determined; A often found it difficult to concentrate in his studies. Beyond was always the one to take the first step, no matter what the situation; A merely followed, be it Beyond or anyone else. There really wasn't anything that A _didn't _admire or adore about Beyond. He even appreciated his negative traits. His charisma, his intelligence, his aggressive personality, his talents...

A could have gone on and on about his lover's attributes most unique only to him, but the fact of the matter was that when he did what he was going to do, what he had been contemplating for weeks now, none of it would matter ever again. He would be erased from this world forever and there wouldn't be a single thing anyone could do about it, including B. He knew Beyond would do anything for him, just as he would do anything for Beyond, but this was something he needed to do himself. After all, B could never do it for him, couldn't even _imagine _doing it.

Therefore, it was up to him. Only he could bring his own life to an end. Asking someone else for assistance in the matter would make him weak and prove that he couldn't even rely on himself to solve his problems on his own. Besides, they would most likely try to stop him, and that was definitely a hassle he wanted to avoid. No, this was on him and him alone.

He wondered what it was like, to fall to one's death. Would it be extremely painful or would he only feel a split-second of pain before expiring? What would it feel like to fall that far to the ground? Would he even die when he hit the ground or would he die in mid-air from heart failure? The questions really were endless.

He tapped his fingers on the window sill, trying to muster the courage to do what he was about to do. It could be likened to the way a child would behave when they considered how they would tell their parents about the bad thing they had just done. Of course, A's parents had died before he ever had the chance to truly know who they were, but the comparison was still valid.

He was deep in thought and was staring out across the city when he suddenly heard the door close behind him, indicating that someone had just entered. Well, no, he _knew _it was Beyond because no one else ever just came in. Even Wammy knocked first before entering. Damn! _Now_ how was he supposed to go through with this?

Beyond was about to say something when he looked up and saw A staring out through the window. He couldn't help but give a small smile and slowly made his way to him from behind. When he was right behind him, he snaked his arms around his torso and held him close, resting his chin on the blonde's shoulder. He glanced over at him before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Hey, A," he greeted him. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, hey Beyond," A acknowledged him, glancing sideways at him for a moment before returning his gaze to the window. "Just watching the sunset, I guess."

Beyond chuckled. "You guess? What else would you be looking at besides that beautiful sunset out there?"

A sighed quietly to himself. _Oh God, B... if only you knew... _He glanced back over at him and tried to give him a convincing smile. "Yeah, I guess you're right, B. I kinda thought about drawing it, but I'm too tired tonight to do that."

Beyond frowned. "Since when are you too tired to draw? You used to do it all the time, even when we had all those big tests at the beginning of the program. I haven't seen you do anything artistic in a couple weeks. Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, B," A quickly nodded. "Really, I'm okay."

"You don't _seem _okay, now that you mention it," Beyond pushed. "You barely get any sleep nowadays, your skin's getting a lot fairer and you've been losing weight like crazy recently. You're starting to look like me. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course," he quickly added, "but still, I just want you to be the usual, healthy _you_. I mean, I'm not exactly a role model when it comes to health."

He chuckled at that last part and was surprised when A joined in with him. "I don't know, Beyond," he shook his head. "I just... I just don't feel like myself very much anymore..." No. No, he shouldn't be doing this! If he revealed his true feelings to him, it would ruin his whole plan! Damn it all!

B lifted his head from A's shoulder, his eyebrows raised. "Really? How so?"

A inwardly winced. He had to find a way out of this quickly or he would miss his opportunity. He turned around to face him, quickly coming up with something. "F-Forget I said that! I... I'm just really tired, Beyond. I really need to get some sleep."

He started to walk away, but Beyond grabbed his arm. "What's going on, A? What's wrong?"

"N-Nothing!" A insisted, more forcefully than before. "B, please, let me go! I _really _need to get some sleep!" He tried to get out of Beyond's grasp, but the other had expected it and just tightened his grip.

"You're lying to me, A," said Beyond softly, searching the other boy's eyes with his own. "I know you are. I'm not letting you go until you tell me what's wrong."

"B, I already _told _you what's wrong!" A insisted, trying to escape. "Now please, let me go!"

Beyond's resolve suddenly snapped and he narrowed his eyes, growling lowly in his throat. He yanked A up against him and was practically nose-to-nose with the boy. "_Goddamn it, Asher, stop lying to me_!" he yelled, using A's full first name.

A immediately stopped struggling, his eyes widening and his body freezing in place. The only times he'd ever seen Beyond get angry with him were when he felt that he was hiding something from him or just wouldn't talk to him. After all, the last thing he wanted was for A to do something stupid when it could have easily been avoided had he confided in him for guidance or support.

Beyond slowly calmed down, shaking his head and sighing harshly. He reached a hand out to cup A's face, staring intently and meaningfully into his green eyes. "Look, A, I'm sorry," he apologized, "but you can't keep hiding from me. I'm your boyfriend, for God's sake. If there's something wrong, no matter what it is or how insignificant it may seem to you, I want you to tell me. I may not always have a perfect solution, but I'll still listen. It's what I'm here for."

A gulped, his mixed emotions conflicting with what Beyond was telling him.

"I know you have depression, A," Beyond continued, "and I'm sure it really sucks. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But you have to realize that even with the medication, you still have to talk about your problems. Holding all that shit back and letting it build up inside of you is only going to make things worse in the long run, and one day, it's all gonna come out in the worst possible way. I don't have depression, A, so I can't give you advice or help you based on personal experience, but please believe me when I tell you that no matter where I am, no matter what I'm doing, I will _always _be here for you. And if, for some reason, you don't want to talk to me about it, then talk to Wammy or a doctor here. They'll listen to you and help you cope with whatever you're dealing with. But no matter what you do, A, you _cannot _keep it inside of you. If I don't know what's wrong with you and you won't tell me, then I can't help you."

A felt tears begin to build up behind his eyes. How could he have been so selfish? How could he have even _considered_ leaving Beyond, the boy who loved and cared for him more than anything else in the world who would do anything for him at a moment's notice? How could he have possibly thought that killing himself would solve all his problems and end his mental anguish? He'd never realized just how much B truly loved him until now, and he couldn't help but feel slightly guilty about that. That thought alone caused the tears to release from the ducts which held them. He sobbed and buried his head in Beyond's shoulder, wrapping his arms around him and holding him as tight to him as humanly possible.

B smiled, returning the embrace and stroking A's hair. "Shh, hey, it's okay," he soothed. "It's all right. I've got you. Just let it all out." He was happy that A was confiding in him, releasing the negative feelings he constantly dealt with and had been hiding from him for God-knows-how-long.

It certainly didn't make him weak, though, to be crying like this. No, if anything, it only made him stronger, more able to deal with his issues. Beyond mentally swore that if _anyone_ ever called A weak or belittled him about his condition in any way, he would personally rip their fucking head off in an instant. But right now, all he wanted was to assure his lover that he was here for him and would never, _ever _leave him.

It was several more minutes before A's tears subsided, his sobs and sniffling slowly receding until his sadness was purged. He slowly raised his head from Beyond's shoulder and was horrified to see that it was damp from his tears. He quickly glanced up at him and hastily apologized. "B-Beyond, I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

He was cut off by a pair of soft lips slamming into his own, forbidding him from an unnecessary apology. He groaned as B licked his lips and eagerly parted them to allow him entrance. He felt his tongue slip into his mouth and closed his eyes as a hand cupped his cheek and another settled on his hip. By the time they parted for air, they were both panting from the lack of oxygen, though A more so than B because he had been caught unawares by the sudden kiss.

Beyond caressed A's face, speaking softly. "My shirt's honestly the last thing I'm worried about right now, A. You're much more important than some material object than can be replaced at any given time. _You_, on the other hand, are _not _replaceable. There's only one Asher Fallman in this world, and he's all mine. Understand?"

A nodded, smirking a bit at his own foolishness. "I guess it was kind of stupid, huh?"

B just rolled his dark eyes in mock annoyance. "Shut up and kiss me."

A chuckled before leaning in to do just that, his hand moving up to tangle in the tresses of Beyond's thick, unkempt black hair as he gently touched his lips to his lover's. B groaned at the sensation and pushed his tongue into A's mouth, demanding entrance in a display of aggression. A was more than happy to grant him access and moaned at the feel of the hot, slippery organ exploring his mouth as his free hand went to Beyond's lower back. B's tongue lazily traced A's teeth and the muscles of his mouth for a while before moving to his tongue, coaxing it into playing with his own. Again, A couldn't control the moan that escaped from his throat and obliged him, rubbing and moving their tongues together in a battle of dominance. The match intensified and A eventually surrendered control over to his lover, whimpering as his shaking hands settled on B's shoulders in a loose grip. He felt him smile against his lips at his victory.

They parted a few moments later, panting heavily and gazing deeply into each other's eyes. Beyond ran a hand through A's dark blonde locks of hair and rubbed his hip with the other. He sighed in pleasure and closed his eyes when B leaned in to kiss his neck. He moaned loudly when he began licking, sucking, and gently biting up and down his neck, tightening his grip on his shoulders. Enjoying the sounds his lover was making, Beyond growled seductively deep in his throat and thrust his hips forward to grind them against A's. His lover cried out at the action, spurring him on to do it even more. They both became acutely aware of the other's arousal as their hips and groins rocked against each other, slowly at first and then speeding up as their mutual enjoyment flared up.

Beyond gently pushed A back towards the bed they shared, not stopping or slowing in his actions. A stumbled backward until he felt the backs of his knees come into contact with foot of the bed, at which point he lost his balance and fell onto the soft mattress. B followed him down and leaned over him as his mouth returned to A's to plunder it with lips and tongue, hands moving to A's clothed chest to softly caress it. He slid a knee up to gently part A's thighs and rubbed it against his crotch, producing more pleasured sounds from him as his hands went into B's dark hair.

Beyond gently pushed A up to the headboard, settling his body on top of him when his head was on one of the pillows. He caressed his face lovingly, looking into his eyes meaningfully as he softly spoke. "You mean everything to me, A. As corny and cliché as that may sound, you really do. I don't know what I'd do without you here. We both have problems, and I know that, but we'll always have each other to help us get through the meaningless crap that life decides to throw at us. I don't ever want to lose you, A, and I'll do everything in my power to make sure that never happens."

"B..." A began. But he couldn't find the words. He just didn't know how to respond to something as meaningful and loving as what he had just heard, so he used the hands in Beyond's hair to draw him down for another kiss, instead.

B smiled into it, closing his eyes and nipping lightly at A's soft lips, occasionally taking one of them between his own and sucking. He pulled back and gently removed A's hands from his hair, holding each one up to his mouth to lay a soft kiss on the back. He began unbuttoning A's light green dress shirt, becoming more and more excited with every one he undid. He slid a hand up A's back to gently lift him off the bed so he could get the offending article of clothing off of him. A involuntarily shivered at the feel of B's cool hand on his warm back and hardly noticed when he slipped the shirt off his shoulders and down his arms. Before he even knew it, the shirt was lying somewhere on the ground and Beyond's hands were taking their time caressing and exploring his now-bare chest. He sighed pleasurably as his lips also found that skin.

B kissed from A's midsection up to his collarbone as his hands caressed his sides. Moving to one of his nipples, he kissed and licked it for a few moments before taking it into his mouth and sucking. His hand slid over to pinch and roll the other between his fingers. A arched his back off the bed and cried out at the dual sensations, hands clenching and unclenching into the sheets. Working the nipple with his mouth and tongue for a few more moments, B released it and moved to the neglected one to give it the same treatment as his hand slowly moved down A's chest. A moaned, cracking an eye open to see B's hand slowly moving closer and closer to his waist, but closed it and cried out when B gently bit his nipple.

B smirked around the other's nipple, still moving his hand torturously slow down A's chest. He felt the waistline of A's white slacks with his fingertips and moved his hand down a little further until it covered his groin. He massaged him through his pants and glanced up to see him throw his head back and blurt out a garbled exclamation of his name. Releasing his nipple, he increased the pressure of his hand as his lips moved to A's neck to mouth at it. A tilted his head to give him more access, shivering as B's tongue laved up and down his neck. Losing patience, B quickly reached down to unbutton and unzip A's pants, pulling them down his legs along with his boxers. A raised his legs to help him and saw him practically rip them off of his body, tossing them carelessly behind him onto the floor.

Beyond quickly pulled off his own clothes and discarded them in a similar manner before attacking A's mouth, grinding their straining erections together. They swallowed each other's moans and cries of pleasure, lips and tongues clashing in a fierce battle. B glanced off to the side to open the drawer to the nightstand and fished out the bottle of lube they kept nearby for moments like this. He released A and opened the bottle to pour some of its contents on his fingers. Noticing the surprised expression on A's face, he remarked, "Sorry if it seems like I'm rushing things, but right now, I just want to be inside of you."

A hastily shook his head. "No, no, it's fine, B. I want it, too."

B smiled and kissed him as he moved his fingers to A's entrance. Applying some to the outside, he gently inserted a finger into his lover. A flinched at the intrusion and the coolness of the lube, but slowly relaxed as B moved his finger in and out of him to prepare him. When he thought he was ready, he added a second finger, and then a minute or so later, a third. Soon, A was moaning and moving down on B's fingers as they scissored in and out of him, gradually stretching the tight muscles. He nearly whimpered in disappointment when they were removed. B chuckled as he applied some more of the lube to himself, moaning softly at the cool touch of it on his cock. Putting the bottle back on the nightstand, he kissed A sweetly before positioning himself at his entrance. "Ready?" he asked.

A nodded enthusiastically, a smile finding its way to his face. "When you are."

B smiled back, and taking hold of A's hips, began to slowly push into him. He groaned as he sank into the tight heat, clenching his teeth and closing his eyes. A groaned in slight discomfort, but when B asked him if he wanted him to stop, he merely shook his head and told him to keep going. B nodded and continued to move into him, stopping only when he was completely buried within him.

A cried out when the tip of B's member brushed over his prostate and gripped his arms. B slowly moved out and then thrust in again, this time continuing the motions and tenderly making love to A. A's moans increased in volume and frequency as B thrust harder and faster into him. Soon, they were moving together in almost perfect union, bodies sliding smoothly against each other. Beyond covered A's mouth with kisses, digging his fingers into his hips and thrusting even more powerfully into him. A moaned deeply and wrapped his legs around B's waist to pull him even deeper inside of him.

"A... Oh God, A..." B moaned as his thrusts became frantic and erratic.

"B-Beyond," A responded in a similar fashion, holding onto his upper arms for dear life as he was pounded into.

As he felt his climax nearing, B reached down between them to grip A's hardened member and stroked it in time with his thrusts. He leaned forward, panting as his lips touched A's ear. "Cum with me, A," he whispered, tongue flicking out to trace the shell of his ear.

At this, A's body seized and his back arched as he spilled his hot seed over B's hand and over their chests, barely having time to cry out. B felt A's muscles clamp down on him and came shortly after him, bucking wildly into his body and filling him with his release. Panting, he collapsed onto his lover, laying his head on his chest and stroking it with his fingertips. A grinned and ran a hand through B's wild hair. When their breathing was under control, B raised his head to plant a kiss on A's lips before slowly pulling out of him, sighing contentedly against his chest. He began to nod off at the feel of A's fingers in his hair and felt something soft being draped over him. He saw A pulling the covers over them both and smiled as his eyes closed. "I love you, Asher Fallman," he mumbled.

A kissed the top of his head before closing his eyes, still stroking his hair. "I love you too, Beyond Birthday," he replied, a smile on his face as he drifted off to sleep.

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**This was a bit shorter than I wanted it to be, but... ah, oh well. They can't all be good, I suppose. Anyway, thanks for reading, and please review with your thoughts and feedback!**

**A/N: It seems like all the successors at Wammy's have something they particularly enjoy; L's sweets, Near's toys, Mello's chocolate bars, Matt's video games, BB's strawberry jam... you get the idea. A's is drawing. Yeah, I don't know why I chose to attribute that to him; guess I've just been getting pretty damn jealous of all the people in the world who can make kickass works of art. I really should limit myself on how much time I spend on deviantART...**


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